Pappaw's Birthday

The joy of family

Family gatherings are always stressful events for me. In my family every single person thinks they are in charge. We have our own little groups (some of which give the air of looking down on others). Of course, we have our grudges against each other for reasons real or imagined. But this weekend we had a gathering where none of these issues matter. We celebrated my grandfather’s 90th birthday.

My grandfather is an amazing man. He lost his father during the flu epidemic of the early 20th century. He came of age during the depression working with WPA. His job was to pick up trash along the highway. It was a job he was grateful to have. His meager paycheck was taken home to his mother. In his twenties he married a beautiful woman (my grandmother who is still beautiful). During WWII he was a member of the US Air Force and was bunkmates with Vincent Minelli. After the war he worked in a steel mill, eventually working as a lobbiest for his union. He “retired” at least three different times, each time taking on a new career that interested him. During this time he raised a family of three, built his own home and was a responsible and involved citizen of his community and church. After he raised his own family he helped to raise his grandchildren and his grandchildren’s children. In other words, he has lived an amazing life.

Four years ago he had his third open-heart surgery. After the first two we all expect him to recover quickly and return to his active lifestyle. However, this time his recovery was slow and his attitude was bitter. His memory began to slip and he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. He had a stroke and lost vision in one of his eyes which caused his doctor to recommend his license be revoked. This brought forth more anger and bitterness. Over the last few months his vision reached the point of legal blindness. He can no longer see the television or read the paper. His response was to slip into an attitude of nothingness with brief glimpses of even more anger and bitterness at what he had lost.

I say all this because this weekend I was able to see the man he once was. He wasn’t active physically but his mind was aware. He talked. He smiled. He even laughed. Being around his family-children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, siblings, nieces and more brought a joy to his face that I have not seen in over a year.

For each and every one of us the most important thing we could do was to be there for him. Our petty differences didn’t matter. Only his happiness mattered.